AHHH

I am the girl who has a whole binder full of stickers because as a child I didn't want to use any of them. I wanted to save them until I found the perfect place for them. I was the one who always saved my money and never spent it when that rainy day came. I am the level headed one. The one who thinks everything through. The one who doesn't make mistakes on any grand scale. The one going places. The one who has sound judgment.

It is like everyone thinks that being all of those things was effortless for me. It wasn't and it isn't. School doesn't come easy for me...Sure I did really well but I worked really hard. I was jealous of everyone of my friends who carelessly made mistakes. I wish I could live like that.

Now I am still the one that has to deal with all of the mistake that all of my friends make. I'm the listener. I'm the one with the good advice, because they want to know what I would do. Sometimes it makes me want to scream. Seriously--I don't have the liberty of making the mistakes, but I still have to fix them.

Every part of me wants to just say screw it. I'm just going to be average. Not the "big success" that everyone seems to have planned out for me. Maybe I want to take a chance and make mistakes. What if I know its a mistake and I want it anyway? Can't I have that? Don't I deserve it after all these years of doing what is level-headed?

Thank god that last saga of my life is over. It may have taken me a year and a half to finally rid myself of all that, but I did and I will continue to be the "wont take shit" from anyone kind of girl that I was before him. All I can say is thank you Justin.